Longest Goodbye
by Kidaowre
Summary: Thoughts of Armin Arlet about Annie before they part. Their sweet goodbye couldn't make up for what happens next...


**I love Aruani, I think they are meant to be!**

Armin's eyes drifted over the table to the gear next to his own. The inspection was progressing and a thousand questions were being fired around the room between recruits and from superiors.

His gaze worked over the unique wear marks on the equipment as a nagging sensation that he'd seen them somewhere before, swam around in his conscience.

Sudden realization sparked in his brain and sent a chill down to his feet. 'That's Marco's gear.' The thought made his stomach churn with nervous doubts. 'There's no reason Annie would have Marco's gear unless…' he willed his brain to stop its motion, not wanting to think anymore.

Pain struck his heart and he swallowed trying to act normal not wanting to raise anyone's suspicions. In his mind he called out to her wishing they were alone and he could ask 'Annie why?'

He found a few opportunities in which he could have asked her, but he always faltered and fought the words from coming out. 'There must be a mistake.' He would think over and over in his head.

He had wandered absentmindedly away from the others and sat in the shade of one of the bunk houses.

Soft footsteps entreated his attention and he glanced up to see the very girl he'd been thinking of. It was a strange mixture of joy and fear with a twinge of guilt that rose from his gut causing him to look away again.

"Armin?" she moved to his side crouching down to look at him. "What's wrong with you?"

Closing his eyes shut and clenching his fists against the cool ground he whispered "I don't feel so good."

He inhaled a shocked breath as her hand made contact with his skin. His eyes met hers as her palm smoothed over his forehead and cheeks. "You don't feel warm, but you are a little pale. You're sweating a bit too." She reached her hand down to the back of his neck. "Is it from the heat?" He shivered as her fingers traced back up his neck and behind his ears. He knew she was only checking for excess warmth in his skin, but the way she could stop his train of thought wasn't a new entity to him.

There had been many unexpected moments between them over the three years in the training corps. It would start small with glances and prolonged eye contact. It progressed to warm smiles and physical contact. He'd even mustered the courage to plant a chaste kiss on her cheek, but she'd turned her head connecting their lips. He'd been so shocked he just stared at her till she rolled her eyes and asked if he was going to kiss her again. They'd found many times to sneak away together and indulge their curiosities.

Finally her hands removed themselves from his face and he started to breathe again. "Was it something you ate?"

He shook his head "I think it just might be all this stress, with Eren gone to the scouting legion, and suspected rouges being amongst us, I don't know what to think anymore."

Her eyes darkened as she looked at the dirt between them "Maybe you shouldn't think so much. It might be easier for you."

A questioning look was given as he glanced up at her, watching her staring into the fallow dust. "You might feel better if you didn't think about all of this. You've always over analyzed everything in the past anyway." Her voice fell to barely above a whisper and he could hardly make out the words, but it sounded like "It's what I like about you though."

The momentary silence between them then didn't feel awkward. It felt rather normal, as though this was the way they normally spent time.

"About your comment earlier…" she added "…about me being nice. Thank you. I've never been called nice before."

He was shocked and subconsciously leaned closer to her "But you are Annie. Others may overlook it, but I see it."

"Are you sure you're not just delusional?" she frowned.

"The time you beat up Eren during training. You put on a tough act, but what you said to him really got him fired up. You taught him a lot that day." He chuckled at the memory.

She scoffed and lowered her hand to the ground pushing loose pebbles with her fingertips. "I was only telling the truth."

"It was the truth he needed to hear." Armin paused watching her playing with the miniscule stones. "Thank you for that Annie."

Her forget-me-not eyes met his and stayed.

1…2…3…4…5…the seconds ticked past and Armin remembered he'd read somewhere that if someone willingly holds eye contact with you without blinking for more than three seconds, it is a sure sign of trust and attraction.

His heart leapt into his throat and fluttered like a moth. He'd been caught by her spell once again.

He being the shyer type should have looked away, but it was easier for non dominant types to open themselves in such a way to others. Annie being the stronger willed caved first not willing to let him delve any deeper into her soul. "You're an interesting boy Armin." She stood facing away from him. "Just don't trust everyone ok?" He nodded and she glanced back to catch his answer. She turned back to face him as he stood up. "Are you feeling better?"

He took a deep breath "For now I hope." He was four inches taller, but she was strong enough to steady him as he wavered. He smiled and shook his head "I'm fine thanks."

"No you're not." She sighed putting his arm over her shoulders and helping him to the barracks. No one was around at that time of day and so no one cared that she waltzed right in to the men's sleeping area.

"Annie, I should really get back to…you shouldn't be here." She smirked shoving him down on a bed.

"Fine I'm leaving." She turned to go and out of impulse his hand grabbed hers.

"Annie I'm sorry I'm such a burden. I'll never find a way to repay…"

She yanked her hand from his sighing loudly "Don't even think about it." She roughly turned and shoved his shoulders down into the mattress before gently brushing his hair from his face. He swallowed blinking up at her. She was reputed to be much more intense than him, brutal and heartless, but there were times he found she was tender and timid. She let out a slow breath "Those eyes." She closed her own as she spoke "You look at me with such trusting eyes I can't stand it." Her jaw tightened as she ground her teeth.

He forced himself up cupping her cheek in his hand. "Is there a reason I shouldn't trust you Annie?"

He could see her sky orbs open once more and widen. The moment of hesitation broke his heart as he awaited her reply. "I told you not to trust so easily. I even meant myself. You shouldn't trust someone as selfish as me."

He started to protest, wanting to tell her she was worth it and not as selfish as she believed herself to be, but she stopped him.

"I'm selfish Armin. I'm not an angel willing to give myself to the benefit of others. You think everything we've done together was because I was a love struck little girl? I did those things because I wanted to know what the other girls all talked about in the barracks. I experimented and got addicted to the feeling. I didn't do it out of good intentions Armin. I used you for my own gratification. Why should you trust someone that only has her own desires in mind?"

Turning her face softly towards his, he kissed her. "Does it matter? Annie you were always so aloof and cold in public, I never expected anything like love in return for what we did in secret. I just hoped that you enjoyed it as much as I did." He blushed at his own words and how forward they sounded.

He hesitated in looking at her again but found he didn't need to as she closed the distance between them. "I do." Her kisses were heated and desperate. He felt a small twinge of guilt in his stomach as he pulled her in his lap. He really shouldn't be doing this if he'd suspected her earlier of foul play against the scouting legion, but her hold over him was magnetic and he couldn't pull away from the attraction. He was the best he knew at justifying.

They hadn't done anything in a while and it made their actions all the more thrilling, but their desires were shorted by the sound of approaching voices and footsteps. She flew away from him standing up and backing off a few paces while folding her arms looking nonchalant as ever. Connie and Jean marched through the door seconds later "There you are Armin. Mikasa's looking for you… Annie? Why are you in the men's barracks?"

"She was bringing me back here. I wasn't feeling so good and she made sure I got here alright."

Jean looked at him unconvinced but wavered rolling his eyes "Whatever. You do look a little flushed though. I didn't expect any charity from you though Annie." He turned back to where Annie had been only to find her gone.

"She left" Connie explained and Jean grumbled "I can see that." before heading out the door. "I'll tell Mikasa you're resting so she won't worry."

As they left Armin could only smile and frown at recent events he'd experienced.

…

That night he slipped out of bed, careful not to wake the others. He knew he wasn't going to get any sleep, so he had decided to take a walk to calm his thoughts. The moon was shrouded in soft clouds, letting an eerie glow shine through occasionally lighting his path.

He wasn't far away from the camp when a splotch of white was made visible, illuminated by the fading light. Annie's signature hoodie outlined her figure as she stood leaning against a tree looking up at the sky. He joined her and swallowed once more his questions, settling for silence.

"We won't see each other for a while." She mused.

"You could join the survey corps. Then we'd see each other every day." He let out a half chuckle hoping his nervousness didn't show.

"I'm not like you Armin. I'm not brave or free to do what my heart wants." Her voice sounded pained.

"What do you mean?" He looked at her seeing the light reflecting on her skin.

"Nothing. It's nothing."

He let it go and decided that if this was their last night they might as well make it memorable. Moving in close he watched as her apprehension slowly lessened and she let him in closer. She was nearly pinned against the tree at her back.

"Armin?" she questioned as his hands descended her shoulders and arms to grasp her own.

He lifted her left hand to his lips before pressing it to his heart. "Annie, I don't expect you to ever love me, but I've grown very, very attached to you."

She panicked at his words shoving him backwards. He oofed, falling on his butt.

"I'm sorry. I…I just…"

He laughed and she dropped down in front of him between his knees. "I'm such a strange girl."

He smiled forgetting all suspicions he had before and pulled her into his arms. "You're a wonderful girl Annie." She gently broke his hold and stared deeply into his eyes. At this moment words were not needed as he knew exactly what to do. Starting with a soft kiss he began their ritual of experimentation and release.

When they had finished their acts, they re-clothed themselves, but did not leave each other's side till just before morning.

An hour before dawn she shifted in his arms shivering a bit from the night chill. He held her closer.

"I'm sorry I'm a bad person."

Her pronouncement was so sudden it took him a moment to reply.

"Annie…you're not…" he paused.

"Just stop Arlet" She buried her face in his chest "I'm not what you think."

His forehead creased. "Annie?"

When she didn't answer he sat up with her still held tightly to himself. "Annie, about what I said to you earlier, about being attached to you…"

She went rigid in his grasp and he softly moved his hands over her back and arms. "I didn't lie. I know we can't be together, and I know you don't want us to be found out by anyone, but I want you to know I'll always like you Annie." he paused biting his lip "In fact, I think I love you Annie."

She practically jerked back away from him. "Please don't" she looked as though tears might gather in her eyes. "You can't love me. I don't deserve…"

He pulled a bold move knowing she could easily force him away again, but was surprised as his move was rewarded with her acceptance as lips met once again. "Don't ever say you don't deserve love, because whether or not you think you do I will still feel this way about you. Nothing else matters to me Annie, just that we can be together for this moment."

She kissed him again and flung her arms around his neck. He held her, breathing in her scent and heard her whisper "I wish I didn't want you."

He felt a tear slide down his cheek and knew she was trying to return his feelings to him.

"Oh, Annie. Let's pretend the sun won't rise. That it's just you and me here forever. That we won't have to go back to acting distant from each other."

She uncurled her grip and looked into his eyes "What would you do if that could happen?"

He smiled brushing her bangs away from her face. "I would hold you, talk with you, make love to you again and again, and…I'd ask you to be mine forever."

She closed her eyes and shook her head. It drove a blade through her heart to hear what she wanted to hear and not be able to have it. "That's impossible."

He nodded "I know, but we could just imagine."

She shook her head "You are a strange boy Armin." She slid her fingers under his shirt and he flinched at the cold sensation. Laughing a bit at his own reaction he pressed her hands flush against his skin feeling the chill slowly dissipate. He was contented with having her this close and not laughing at him for his confession, but she had other plans. Sliding her hands up farther to his chest she pushed him to the ground straddling his hips.

"Just be with me one more time…no more pretending, no more talking." She sounded so serious and collected that he couldn't refuse. The only speaking was done between their bodies and small sounds of pleasure as they fulfilled each other's longings.

As the sky grew lighter they walked hand in hand to the barracks. He found it difficult to let her hand slip slowly from his own knowing that through all of his suspicions and their separation from one another, he might not get the chance to be with her ever again. It was all he could do not to let tears fill his eyes.

Goodbye had always been the hardest for him and now it would be the longest drawn out goodbye he would yet face. He would still have to see her until the official graduation tradition of choosing where they would go to. Yes, he would see her, but he wouldn't be able to hold her or touch her or even act familiar with her perhaps ever again.

Returning to his bunk he slipped into a light sleep from exhaustion before they were all awoken to move out.

…

The time came for them to choose which branch they would join and Armin kept his eyes on Annie standing in the top ten line.

Commander Erwin had just revealed a lot of information and Armin could only guess that it was to draw out those that could be spies. He covertly watched Annie, but he knew she was too calm and collected to show anything outwardly even if she wasn't a suspect.

When they were allowed to choose their path she walked right past him making brief eye contact before disappearing into the night.

He didn't sleep well that night.

Dreams of her would haunt him constantly.

His first love had left him to die without a single word.

For months he dedicated himself to training in the scouting legion hoping that he could stay alive outside the walls and eventually with luck see her again.

The day that they ventured into titan territory was the day his world was shattered. A female titan attacked and he watched it kill his fellow soldiers.

When it came after him he was knocked to the ground, but as he cowered in fear of death the strangest thing happened. The titan lifted back his hood with the utmost care.

He looked up into forget-me-not eyes.

With a slight smile, the titan stood turning away from him and running off.

He chased after it with Jean and Reiner and being knocked once more to the ground he felt pain rush through his body, but looked up at her as she paused over him once more. A sudden realization came to him as he looked up into the face of the titan. He'd been so afraid the first time he hadn't even thought that it could be…

'No, it can't be'

Anger filled his being 'why her?'

He thought of a way to prove his fears.

Sure enough she responded to the nickname Eren had earned in the training corps.

It was Annie.

His heart broke when she caught Reiner. He stared up at her, all of their conversations going through his head. He couldn't do anything else even after Reiner escaped and snatched him up.

Reiner's telling of her retreat caused him to focus once more only to see her running towards the formation once more…towards Eren.

Depression and disappointment filled his being as he sat on the ground his head being bandaged by Reiner.

He couldn't tear his thoughts away from her.

He saw her face in titan form looking down at him. Her expression had been one of sorrow, worry, and almost guilt.

Once again questions filled his mind. 'Why Annie?'

… **Thank you for reading I hope you like it!**


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